Day Four

SAN ANTONIO, TX

I thought that instead of blogging every day I’d do it like every fourth day, to make the experience more fun and interesting for you, the reader. Ha ha! Just kidding. It won’t be.

Simply put, there is no better kind of travel experience than a good old-fashioned road trip. Period. Except for flying first class to an exotic destination, which we originally planned to do but then decided against due to carbon footprint concerns. Also, there are other ways of traveling that are equal to or better than road trips. But still.

We left San Diego on Saturday, and are heading for Savannah, Georgia, with a few stops in between. “Why Savannah?” you might ask. The answer is “I forget.” But this much I do know: our plan is to drive a rental car across the country, then fly back (on an airplane).

The drive to Phoenix on Day One was uneventful. Well, there was the ‘dog car’ that pulled in next to us at a rest stop in Arizona, outfitted with giant ears, a tail, etc. Oh yes, and the entire exterior was smothered in fur. This arrangement wasn’t a commercial advertisement, so I guess it was just an effort to create distinction. And I must admit I’ve seen very few dog cars. I enjoyed watching the occupants get out, which they did by crawling out the windows.

The first night we stayed at the Embassy Suites in Mesa, which offers free cocktails every night until 7:00 PM. We arrived at 6:45 and I didn’t want a drink, but I quickly guzzled two because a bargain is a bargain.

Hey, guess what—I just remembered why we picked Savannah. When Sammi was a little girl we promised her that when she graduated from high school she could design the family vacation that summer, and this is what she decided upon. (Just now I asked her to remind me why she chose Savannah as the destination, and her response was “I don’t know.” So I’m pretty sure I’m her real father.)

Speaking of which, Sunday was Father’s Day, the first since my dad passed away in November. I sure miss him. It’s fitting that on this day I was on a long-distance car trip, almost as if I was paying homage to dear old Dad, who even into his late 80’s could do a 500-mile drive in one shot and hop out of the car feeling refreshed. I’m exactly like that myself except that I tumble out, and feel not refreshed.

Shana and the girls made the day nice for me. The four of us inner-tubed down a portion of the Salt River in Arizona. Our peaceful float was disrupted only by the boisterous Woody-Woodpecker-esque laugh of a nearby fellow floater with his family. It sounded like this: Ha ha ha HA ha, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!...repeated 200 times over the duration of the river trip, echoing off the canyon’s picturesque walls.

We decided to leave for La Cruces, New Mexico—a six-hour drive—at around 4:30 PM, and took Highway 70, which was a quite beautiful back route despite the sprinkling of junky towns that litter every rural highway in the southwestern U.S.

Whenever Shana and I are driving together, approximately 100 percent of the time I’m behind the wheel. This has nothing whatsoever to do with any lack of confidence on my part in her driving—I guess we’re just following a silly cultural tradition. But yesterday morning I thought what the heck and turned the keys over to her for the first leg of the day’s drive. On another topic, have I mentioned that we almost got a speeding ticket in El Paso about 30 minutes later? Contact me privately if you want details. Also ask about running the red light in Fort Stockton.

Later we got stuck in a long line of cars at a Border Patrol inspection station, approximately the one billionth such checkpoint on this trip. I’m not exaggerating. We knew the drill by then: When we finally got to the front an agent would ask us if we’re citizens of the United States. So far none of my “joking around” answers had amused these grim-faced officers, so I’d settled on “yes,” which always got us through (I wonder why the people that haul illegals through these checkpoints haven’t learned the magic answer?!).

Have I mentioned the heat? If not please allow me. Since Saturday the average daily high along our route has been, oh, about 850 degrees. I’m serious. As Rush says, I don’t make this stuff up, folks. I wonder why humans have established permanent settlements in these regions. I also wonder that about places where it gets cold.

We stopped for gas in the “town” of Sierra Blanca, Texas. Judging by its appearance I’d say it has a two-part history: Part 1—some people built the town; Part 2—all but three of them moved away. Is it just me or wouldn’t it have been easier and cheaper to just skip Part 1?

Maybe they just didn't understand economic models. For example the only lodging would appeal to such a limited demographic:

And no wonder they couldn't get their version of Home Depot to fly:

But ahh... the road. It feels so-o-o-o good to escape our hyper-connected lifestyle for two weeks. Of course we’ve brought along various mobile devices to make our travel more convenient. For example, every 30 minutes or so I text my friend Gary in Seattle with my coordinates so that he can look up where we are and text me back with the info. But mostly we’ve “untethered” ourselves from electronics for this trip; although there are four of us we’ve only brought three laptops, meaning one of us is always without one—typically the driver.

Where was I? Oh yes, after the morning drive through Texas, which was stupid, we pulled into Fort Stockton, where the civic boosters’ effort to become a world-class tourist destination was to erect The World’s Largest Roadrunner. Hmm. And it turned out to not even be a real roadrunner, but a statue of one! What kind of losers would be attracted to that?! Anyway, it was pretty cool, and we took turns taking photos of each other in front of it.

For lunch we found a Tex-Mex café with loads of character, where despite the waiter’s prolonged pleadings Sophie tried to order a steak without chile sauce on it. This so exasperated and mystified him that he had it prepared covered with melted cheese instead. That showed her. Then I over-tipped him to make him feel guilty. That showed him.

Last night we finally rolled into San Antonio at 11:00, tired but looking forward to a cushy room at the Hyatt Regency, which we got through Priceline because we got a $400 room for like 12 dollars. Okay, it was more than that, but I occasionally use mild embellishment to make stories more amazing. Anyway, it turned out to be a hideous rat hole, but we suffered through it and this morning we moved to the Emily Morgan Hotel, which is easily the finest hotel in the history of civilization. That’s where we are right now, and out the window I can see the Alamo. We’ll visit that of course, and later I plan to make a joke about remembering (or forgetting) the Alamo, or about Alamo car rentals. I’ll see what I can come up with, but I feel like I can’t go wrong either way.

One last thing: We had lunch alongside River Walk, which after Sea World is San Antonio’s most famous attraction. I’d write about it, but can you please just look it up on Wikipedia to save me the trouble?